WHAT ARE THE INGREDIENTS THAT KEEP RELATIONSHIPS THRIVING?
Appreciation is one.
Do you know we receive 5 times as many negative messages in one day then positive?
That doesn’t count all the negative messages we give ourselves in our own head talk!
When you give a compliment or appreciation or may be you call it gratitude, you need to give it in a way that can be appreciated by the other person.
Appreciation or gratitude really goes a long way in relationships. We do it effortlessly when the relationship is new then as we let ourselves become more vulnerable we don’t do it as much. As the relationship develops and we have known the person for a while and its not a new relationship anymore, we tend to forget to say thank you and we take it for granted that they are appreciated.
The other person wants to hear gratitude and also forgets to ask for it, some of believe we shouldn’t have to ask for it. And if we tell someone they are beautiful that is a thought or judgement you have about this person. Appreciation is received with joy when you say how it contributed to you or your life.
After you have decided that you appreciate someone and you decide you want to express it, what next?
In NVC we talk about Observations where there are no evaluations, this means choose something that the other person will recognise. E.g when you were bending down talking with your daughter yesterday….
That way they can clearly identify what the situation is and picture it.
Then imagine how you were feeling and the sensations that action stirred in you.
You might say I love the way your daughter smiled when you bent down to her level, it was a pleasure me to see the joy on her face and yours.
I so love it when I see Mothers and Daughters eye to eye I catch a glimpse of the connection and it gives me a nudge to remember times with my own family.
Saying it like this will give the listener a sense of what it was like for you and you have left out all the judgements, good, bad, beautiful, etc. you only speak from what is meant to you and the other person will be able to hear it as a gift to you and to them.
I will be talking at The Northern Beaches Networking Event this coming Tuesday at the Sands Hotel, kicking off at 930am if you would like to hear more relationship tips and what brings conflict into our lives at home and in the workplace. Why not have your morning coffee at the Sands overlooking the beach at Narrabeen?
Love to see you there.
GlynWorkplace Communication Specialist
M: 0406 930 699 Communication that simply works!
Conflict Resolution Mediation Relationship support
Empathy Coaching Bully Proof Fencing
Certified Trainer since 2011 with the Centre for Nonviolent Communication